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Cecelia McCarty
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Cecelia McCarty   My Press Releases

Hot Wax - I Laughed Until I Cried!

Published on 8/30/2013
For additional information  Click Here

A friend sent this to me via email.

I laughed until I cried.

I hope you enjoy it too.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play

with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for

the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine


So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold

wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in

your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or

wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am

mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck

together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the

hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the

strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair

removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and

maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north after checking on the kids, I sneak back

into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my

panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my

bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the

inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) ..

I inhale deeply and brace myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing

drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so

much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that

is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.

The hair that should be on the's not! I touch. .. I am touching


I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered

in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my

foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put

my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to

myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!'

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into

the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I

can gently wipe it off, right???


I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture

prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is

having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the

scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to

the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have

a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of

how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and

hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she

does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax

is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she

suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go

through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a

razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot

wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the

sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major

hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for

this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the

lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and ... OH MY

GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my

friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care.


It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I

successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and



So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

If you enjoyed this too, maybe you would like to check out what I am up to:

Cecelia McCarty

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