SELECTED PRESS RELEASE:
7/2/2011 11:58:30 PM EST
|So, You Think YOU'RE Having a Bad Day and 4th og July Groaners...
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So, You Think YOU'RE Having a Bad day? Well, this happened to me a few years ago when I was feeling down and out over certain circumstances, in my life, that had gone awry.
There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha gonna do about that?" he says, menacingly, as I began shaking and then burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a grown man cry."
"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure.
I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home, I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my own dog bit me."
"I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a poison capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you big jack-a$$, show up and drink the whole damn thing!
But, enough about me...how's your day going?"
And here's some 4th of July Groaners that you might like. Please note that these Groaners, were found at Joke-Of-The-day.com....
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!
What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!
What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the steps!
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall!
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
What was General Washington's favourite tree?
Which colonists told the most jokes?
What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
What would you get if you crossed a dog with the Father of Our Country?
Who is a dogs favourite Founding Father?
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