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'Petrus Goes To Silverstone' is the 4th in my 'Petrus F1' series of original copyright comedy sketches sent from my happy home in the sunny south of Portugal.
PRELUDE
Petrus is an avid Formula One follower. So not surprisingly he is confused. And with a name like Petrus he obviously enjoys the odd glass or three of wine, consumed at the mythical Woolsack pub which is frequented by a motley crew of equally befuddled fellow Formula One addicts. Petrus attracts scrapes effortlessly, is shamelessly promiscuous and is known to consult an ample-bosomed psychotherapist with a uniquely intimate bedside manner. Read on ....
PETRUS GOES TO SILVERSTONE
Long John Silverstone was being propped up by the Woolsack bar in that fashion peculiar to one-legged, drunken pirates. "Yo ho Petrus!" squawked John's parrot Captain Skinflint (also disaffectionately known as Bernie on account of its 200 year age and love of pieces of eight) from its perch atop his shoulder, "What kept ye?"
I'd actually been willingly detained with Hettie Bucks at her charming Woodcote Cottage in Bottomley-under-Crutch but confessed only to having been delayed by a Jehovah's witness who I had admitted to the rustic abode in a moment of euphoric benevolence following my straight eight rev up with Hettie. "So what you got to say?" I had enquired of the satan hater. "Don't know." "What do you mean you don't know?" I had bawled with exasperation. "Well I never got this far before!"
Long John roared with laughter at that and wrung my fist, "Have a grog with me matey!" I pulled my hand away to find the dreaded black spot in my palm! Oh no, it meant I was next up for the karaoke, I'd rather a cutlass in the ribs.
"What you doing here anyway?" I demanded of the old salt, "Been buccaneering the bar wenches at the Admiral Benbow and got yourself barred again?" "Ah no," says he, "Me old shipmates - Billy Bones, Pew, Black Dog, Red Bull and Lewis Hamilton 'av formed a group and been booked to play here today. “But the British F1 Grand Prix is on the telly?!” I protested. “That be right Petrus,” winked Long John with his one good eye, “We're ordered to drown out the Sky commentary!" "Ah! That's brilliant, long overdue," I enthused, "What's your first number?" "It's a special request for team McLaren," then, Long John strumming his crutch, he and his hoochie coochie boys launched into, "Let the heartaches begin, I can't help it I can't win!" I gurgled on my first tot of Jamaica's best, lined up another 19 in start grid pattern on the bar and settled back to watch the race and pillage. F1 ... who needs pirates?!?
End.
I am Tom Riach. I live and write in the sunny south of Portugal. I carry out all types of Writing Assignments – Articles, Content, Copy, Business Plans, Website Scripts and Short Stories and Humourous, Satirical, Sporting and Topical Reference Pieces like the one above. I'll write anything, any style for anybody! Just contact me as below.
CONTACT ME ABOUT MY WRITING WORK AT :
Tom Riach - Freelance Writer
PETRUS GOES TO SILVERSTONE
is an original copyrighted Tom Riach comic sketch. I hope you enjoyed reading about 'Petrus Goes To Silverstone' and found it entertaining. To learn more about my work, inquire re. commissions or just to get in touch with me please visit me on my website at TOM RIACH - FREELANCE WRITER
See you there! Regards, Tom.
© Copyright Joseph T.Riach 1998-2016. All rights reserved.
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