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Tom Riach
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Tom Riach   My Press Releases

Ain't It All A Bloomin' Shame

Published on 7/7/2017
For additional information  Click Here


 Tom's Summer Shorts Are Back!

"Ain't It All A Bloomin' Shame"  is the 2nd in my 2017 Tom's Summer Shorts series of original copyright press releases sent from my happy home in the sunny south of Portugal


As I passed the fiddler on the corner screeching out the first few bars of his awful rendering of - “It's the same the whole world over, it's the poor what gets the blame … ”, I dropped a couple of coins in his cap and crossed the road to my art gallery.

I prided myself on having located the business perfectly in one of those cobbled lanes in old London town which attract tourists like ladies of the night to Jack's ripper blade. Venturing into the gloom of the alley visitors would naturally be drawn to the scent and glow of the daily fresh cut flowers adorning the gallery's outer entrance and from there to the dimly lit-by-carriage-lamps foyer exhibiting enticing miniature prints of Victorian street scenes.

Thence to the main studio with its high vaulted ceiling and massive oak rafters from which were slung art modern spotlights beaming on to full size portraits and landscapes in impressive gilt frames. In the gloomier alcoves and recesses various canvasses were randomly propped against the wall inviting the curious to explore. And on oil-paint spattered easels scattered throughout the exhibition a variety of apparently unfinished works were displayed, some half covered by dust sheets to give the impression of an artist just scurried out to a croque monsieur and Bandol rose rendezvous in a local bistro.

And chirping ever enthusiastically among the oohing-aahing throng was my personal assistant Sherri, a petite bundle of blonde energy relieving the grocks (our derogatory name for tourists) of their holiday spending money with ease. I loved that girl's verve and charisma. She was worth her weight in Rembrandts to my enterprise, not that I had any of that or any other masters' works for sale. What I did have were quality works by genuinely talented local artists mixed in with 'Chinese art factory' reproductions, imported for peanuts and sold at massive mark ups. The grocks didn't know the difference.

Upstairs in the unused loft space my 'office' consisted of a second hand table and chair in a corner. My laptop travelled with me and there was a telephone. When it rang I answered politely as ever but my mood darkened when I heard Go Grabbit's voice on the line. Go was my solicitor.

Have I got news for you dude!” exclaimed Go, “Do you want it good or bad?” “Go on, cheer me up,” I replied without enthusiasm. “Well that smart little lady you call your wife visited me.” Now he had my attention. “She showed me some photos and asked me if they were worth anything.” “You don't know anything about photos,” I growled, yet he carried on. “Normally no, but these ones I recognised straight away and told her they were definitely worth four or five million pounds!”

Wow!” I shouted, “That's fantastic! That's almost as much as my entire present wealth!” “That's just what I thought,” said Go, “Which brings me to the bad news. The photos are of you and Sherri!” He hung up abruptly. I dropped my phone. The second hand chair collapsed when I slumped on to it.

From my position on the corner of the cobbled lane opposite my ex-wife's perfectly located art gallery, I could see that in the formerly unused loft space she had opened a private investigation service for suspicious spouses (P.I.S.S.S.) and in the gallery itself had added a photography section. The centre-piece exhibit in the latter was a photo series of exotic erotica featuring a naked couple and a labrynth of tangled limbs. The faces of the participants were in shadow but I recognised my miserable form and the curves of female buttock were unmistakably Sherri … even in exile she was earning for the gallery.

And I was earning too ... well kind of.  As I finished off my dreadful rendition - “ … it's the rich what gets the pleasure, ain't it all a bloomin' shame”, a passing grock dropped a fifty pence piece into my open violin case ... then took forty pence in change.

I am Tom Riach. I live and write in the sunny south of Portugal.


 For many years I have run my WAKE UP LEISURE AND LEARNING BREAKS (click on) where I talk of success and of creating serious wealth. Or send for my MASTERING THE ART OF MAKING MONEY Amazon best-seller, it's packed with my secrets of success and exact details of how I earned a fortune as a Super Achiever. Paperback and Kindle. Click the image below. 

Mastering the Art of Making Money, Joseph T.Riach

….. and see what my readers say HERE! (click on) 

AIN'T IT ALL A BLOOMIN' SHAME is an original copyright Tom Riach press release. I hope you enjoyed reading it and found it informative and/or entertaining. To learn more or to get in touch with me please visit me on my website at WAKE UP 2 WEALTH.

See you there! Regards, Tom.

© Copyright Joseph T.Riach 1998-2017. All rights reserved.

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