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Tom Riach
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Tom Riach   My Press Releases

How To Immediately Relocate Dangerous Creatures

Published on 9/19/2017
For additional information  Click Here

 

"How To Immediately Relocate Dangerous Creatures”  is the 11th in my 2017Tom's Summer Shorts series of holiday press releases sent from my happy home in the sunny south of Portugal

HOW TO IMMEDIATELY RELOCATE DANGEROUS CREATURES

Every living creature, be it wild animal or human being, is entitled to its space on this planet … there are just those whose space I don't want to be within a million miles of mine!

Over the years I've certainly encountered people who fall into this category but my most recent space invaders have been of the beautiful but deadly reptilian and insect variety! Fortunately, as a rather handy fellow of no little experience in dealing with formidable threats such as marauding mice and itinerant ants, I know a thing or two about how to immediately relocate dangerous creatures …..

Sliding from my slumber, I stretched and slowly focused my vision on … a snake! Overcoming the initial jolt of panic and awake more quickly than a drag car take off, I peered again in order to confirm that I was either dreaming or hallucinating. But no, there on the pillow beside me was a forty centimetre adder. The size may not seem much but the danger is in the bite. This is a seriously venemous viper.

I blinked. It didn't. But it did raise it's head and fork it's tongue at me. Ah, an adder with attitude. So I retreated what I considered to be a safe distance and considered my options. It did cross my mind to bludgeon the critter with a hammer or hack its head off with a machette as they did in good old Tarzan film days but that seemed altogether too bloody and cruel, a satisfactory outcome not at all guaranteed … and besides, I was too scared!

So I resolved to serve it with an immediate eviction notice, any failure on adder's part to comply to be met with it being forcibly relocated to a place of its natural habitat - but 'a million miles' from mine of course.

Rather predictably adder (well it was ensconced comfortably curled on my duck down duvet) ignored my eviction order of a shouted “Get out!” and accompanying finger pointing at the door. So I 'stunned' it with a quick jet of insect spray and pinioned the back of its neck with the barbeque tongs (I knew I'd find a serious use for those one day). Then I bundled it into a temporary holding area otherwise known as a plastic box.

With the immediate danger passed, I suffered a cold sweat of delayed trauma but accepted the applause of the now assembled household and sank two large slugs of cognac. Thus composed I then scribbled an 'anoymous' letter to the local news sheet reporting the incident and citing my incredible bravery. This epistle also mentioned that the same location had similarly experienced a major wolf spider intrusion only a couple of weeks earlier.

That eight-eyed and equally venemous 'resident' of a cavity under the patio had been spotted previously, so when the opportunity had arisen for its compulsory emmigration to a distant part of the country, that had been expeditiously undertaken by 'the hero' too.

So, for the present at least, this now leaves only certain humans local to me whose space I don't wish to be within a million miles of mine … but with my knowledge of how to immediately relocate dangerous creatures limited to mere lethal vipers and arachnids, arranging for the relocation of their human counterparts may prove to be an altogether more problematic undertaking!

I am Tom Riach. I live and write in the sunny south of Portugal.

 

For many years I have run my WAKE UP LEISURE AND LEARNING BREAK (click on) where I talk of success and of creating serious wealth. Or send for my MASTERING THE ART OF MAKING MONEY Amazon best-seller, it's packed with my secrets of success and exact details of how I earned a fortune as a Super Achiever. Click the image below.

Mastering the Art of Making Money, Joseph T.Riach

.. and see what my readers say HERE! (click on)

HOW TO IMMEDIATELY RELOCATE DANGEROUS CREATURES is an original copyright Tom Riach press release, short and to the point. I hope you enjoyed reading it and found it informative and/or entertaining. To learn more or to get in touch with me please visit me on my website at WAKE UP 2 WEALTH.

See you there! Regards, Tom.

© Copyright Joseph T.Riach 1998-2017. All rights reserved.

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